10/1/17 “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” – Pastor Shane Idleman

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Complete Sermon Notes


Don’t Tell Me What To Do!

Intro: My challenge – some going well; some abandoning, some in turmoil.

  • Encourage the broken … He will rebuild but there are cracks.

Hunger is often a sign of health – are you hungry for a healthy marriage?

Revelation 3:2 – “Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die, for I have not found your works perfect before God.”



Don’t Tell Me What To Do! is in our DNA

SCREEN: GENESIS 2:21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave [“forsake dependence upon,” and “let go from”] his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

  • Men do NOT have one less rib than women

  • Some say, “See, the Bible is wrong!” No – they grow back. 🙂

Let’s get controversial: 1 Corinthians 11:8 For man is not from woman, but woman from man. 9 Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man [help meet].

  • “A helper fit for him” (ESV) – We need HELP!

  • John 14:26 (NASB) But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.


Genesis 3:16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.


  • Marshal: “To govern”; “to lead”; “to take responsibility for.”


Submitting is Yielding AND Deferring – Beth Moore: “Submission is ducking so God can hit your husband.”


  • WHAT if men walked around saying, “Why do i have to love you?”

  • MEN: If you’re using it as a weapon, you are wrong.


GOD IS ATTRACTED TO WEAKNESS – many men are not strong emotionally.


Not to be lorded over, but to be loving led – not to be bossed around while orders are barked, but to complement one another – not to be a doormat but a help-meet.

ROLE PLAY: Finances – what are your thoughts? Schooling – what are your thoughts? Our calendar – what are your thoughts?

  • It’s God’s order – that’s why it works


SCREEN: 1 Timothy 2:8-15 (NKJV), “I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;

  • Lead in the area of prayer and worship – set the example. She will follow…

  • We are to be engaged in worship not bored and distracted.

9 in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety [conforming to what is accepted by God] and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.

  • Attire and appearance send a message – godliness or worldliness.

  • Are you drawing attention to yourself, or God?

  • It’s a reflection of the heart – strong willed or humble?


The Excuse – “but it’s the culture back then – no, it’s creation.”

11 Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. 12 And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.

  • The scene that is painted – asking questions, disruptive.

  • It’s not the view of a passive doormat, but a role of complementing the husband’s role to lead in worship, promote godliness, and be guided by integrity.

  • This is 1 reason why we don’t endorse women pastors.

13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15 Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.”

John Piper: Even though many women today and in history may feel the ongoing effects of the curse in the pains of childbirth and the lifelong wounds that it may leave, I urge all of our Christian sisters not to despair. God’s word to you is hope, not curse. God’s plan for you is salvation, not destruction….God’s word to all those burdens and frustrations and miseries is No! This is not my last word to you! My word is salvation! My word, in and through every fiery trial, is to save you, rescue you, preserve you, and give you a future and a hope. All of that through faith in Jesus Christ.

At the root of all unhealthy marriages is 1 word – “influence.”

  • Your family is being led by whatever is influencing you –


SCREEN: Psalm 1, “Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,  Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; 2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. 3 He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither, And whatever he does shall prosper.”

  1. Who are you listening to – who is giving you advice? What fills your mind – the world or the Word?

Bad Moms: Party like a mother … is not a good idea!

When Matt was very young, his parents introduced him to a family friend. Matt was excited because he had someone to play with; his parents were pleased because he could entertain Matt when they were busy.

As the years went by, Matt and his friend spent countless hours together playing video games, watching sports, music videos, and reality shows. In time, things changed—his friend began to use profanity and was disrespectful toward his family. Although his mother and father disapproved, what could they do? His friend was like a family member now. He taught Matt how to dress, how to act, and even how to treat others. Although his parents wouldn’t admit it, he taught them a thing or two as well.

Once Matt reached his teen years, his friend’s influence was obvious. Matt spent more time with him than with his family. Matt’s dad and mom were always gone, so his friend taught him about life. He introduced Matt to alcohol, drugs, and pornography. He explained how sex before marriage wasn’t a bad thing; everybody was doing it, even with same-sex partners. Surprisingly, Matt’s parents allowed his friend to continue to live in their home. After all, they enjoyed his company.

When Matt grew older, he realized that the friendship should never have continued. He believed that his friend’s influence encouraged his dad’s affair, his mom’s problem with alcohol, and eventually, their divorce; the impact of Matt’s friend on him was just as devastating.

Today, with full knowledge of the damage done, Matt still allows his friend to live with him, and, amazingly, he still listens to his advice. Matt’s friend has a name; it’s television.

For those who doubt that there is a significant contrast between God’s Word and what most entertainment and media outlets promote, the following may surprise you:

Media: Cheat on your spouse; everyone is doing it. Truth: “Whoever commits adultery…destroys his own soul” (Proverbs 6:32).

Media: Have sex before marriage; experiment with same-sex partners. Truth: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators (sex outside of marriage) God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).

Media: Party—eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die. Truth: “But take heed to yourselves, lest your hearts be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness, and cares of this life, and that Day [Jesus’ return] come on you unexpectedly” (Luke 21:34).

Media: Disrespect your parents and their outdated advice. Truth: “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be long” (Deuteronomy 5:16).

  1. Standing in the path of sin – are you standing in sins way? Get out of the road!

Don’t turn back to wrong relationships – to wrong counsel – to addictions.

  1. Are you negative and critical because you’re sitting and talking with those who are scornful?

  2. “His delight” is a choice – Where do you seek pleasure?

  3. “Meditating” is setting our mind on the things of God.

  4. “Fruit in season” – don’t give up – look up!

Isaiah 57:15, “For thus says the High and Lofty One Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, With him who has a contrite and humble spirit, To revive the spirit of the humble, And to revive the heart of the contrite ones’.”

COMMUNION – Lead your family