10/8/17 “PARENTING – IS IT CONTROLLED CHAOS?” – Pastor Shane Idleman

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Complete Sermon Notes

Parenting – Is It Controlled Chaos?

In a chaotic and confusing world, let’s get grounded…microwave VS. crockpot.

1. Psalms 127:3, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb a reward.” *ESV unless otherwise noted.

  • A gift from the Lord in a Society that puts a low value on children –

PRACTICAL APPLICATION: focus on the blessing not the difficulties.

2. 2 Tim. 3:15, “And how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

  • To make someone familiar with the scriptures and the application – church is supplemental education.

The more you know the Scriptures, the more you know Christ – the more your kids know…

PRACTICAL APPLICATION: pick one point for the week and teach on it [WCF is supplemental].

  • Throwing vs using scripture.

3. Matthew 6:34 (NASB), “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

  • To allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles.

  • Prov. 12:25, “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.”

Will your post build…, will it encourage, will it unify and already divided nation?


SIMPLIFYING CHILDHOOD MAY PROTECT AGAINST MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES By Raised Good – Parenting by Nature: http://raisedgood.com/extraordinary-things-happen-when-we-simplify-childhood/


“Kids were off building forts, making bows and arrows, collecting bruises and bloody knees and having the time of their lives. They were immersed in childhood.”


Early in his career, Kim Payne volunteered in refugee camps where children were dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. He describes them as, “jumpy, nervous, and hyper-vigilant, wary of anything novel or new.”

Years later Payne ran a private practice in England, where he recognized many affluent English children were displaying the same behavioural tendencies as the children living in war zones half a world away. Why would these children living perfectly safe lives show similar symptoms?

Payne explains that although they were physically safe, mentally they were also living in a war zone of sorts, “Privy to their parents’ fears, drives, ambitions, and the very fast pace of their lives, the children were busy trying to construct their own boundaries…”

  • Too much stuff, too many choices, too much information and too much speed.

Soccer. Music. Martial arts. Gymnastics. Ballet. Baseball. We schedule play dates with precision. And we fill every space in their rooms with educational books, devices and toys. The average western child has in excess of 150 toys… With so much stuff children become blinded and overwhelmed with choice.

  • We add our stress and the world’s stress – they can barely cope!

  • Throw into that – unhealthy foods, caffeine and stimulants and we are raising anxious, fearful, stressed out kids.

1. Say No – be purposeful.

2. Slow down – Disengage from electronics more often.

3. Don’t vent your fear and frustrations – There should be a sense of calm and safety –


Why we are busy bees – 1] to escape reality, 2] we are amped up, 3] to appear successful, can’t say No [or don’t want to appear mean] – as a result, others run your life!


Yes it will be hard, but any battle worth fighting is hard.

Who runs your home? We are filters for our home – not butlers and maids.

Distraction has always been a tool of the enemy – the flesh “needs to know”.

4. Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

  • To teach through practice and instruction over a period of time.

1] The “wrong” training. 2] Too busy, tired, or lazy.

  • Let them see you look to the Lord and ask for forgiveness.

  • Drastic change requires drastic change “in you”.

When men are absent, the family suffers –

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) –

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes –

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes –

80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes –

  • You don’t have to leave home to be absent!

Encourage the single mom – or the dad who cannot reverse time –

Remember – even God’s children rebel.

TRAIN – Psalm 127:4, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.” Arrows are sent – they are precise – they are targeted.

5. Proverbs 3:12, “For the LORD reproves him whom he loves, As a father the son in whom he delights.”

  • To correct – to reposition in the right direction.


Proverbs 13:24, “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”

NOT abuse or excess: Genesis 30:37 twigs of a poplar tree; Jeremiah 1:11 branch of an almond-tree.

“A 7 year old who runs the home will he a 17 year old who destroys it!”

6. Deuteronomy 6:6–7, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Diligence – doing something consistently without initial results.

  • TEACH – To place into the mind – morning, noon, and night.

  • SPEECH is seasoned with grace, wisdom, and humility.

  • AT WORK – at NIGHT: Before the media, families talked more in the evenings.

What words? 5You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

Men often set the tone of the home.

7. Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

  • To irritate – imagine provoking a snake.

  • Never satisfied with their performance – they lose heart.

“Most teens who have been interviewed after a suicide attempt say that what causes teen suicide are feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Suicidal teens often feel like they are in situations that have no solutions. The teens can see no way out but death. The teens feel like they have no control to change their situations.”

  • Don’t preach to them – live it out: LISTEN TO THIS AGAIN.

~ Our Challenge – we hear how we are failing, we say, “I’ll do better.”

~ If your life is chaotic your parenting will be chaotic as well.

  • Re-prioritize – it will not come without a struggle – you will be amazed at what God can do with humility and repentance.

A young girl, devastated by the choice her father made to leave her family for a younger woman, had a nightmare following his announcement. She dreamt that she, her mother and sister all died in a horrific car accident. When she told her dad about the dream, he sympathetically replied, “I’m really sorry to hear that. I’m glad it was only a dream.” Her response was shattering, “Dad, right before we hit, through the window I saw that you were driving the other car.”

Fortunately, this man broke. He repented and worked to restore his marriage.

Some of you hearing this now and hearing this later – men and women – wake up…is this what you are doing to your family?